12 Sep 2012

Why Haven’t You Found Love? The Answer Is . . .

If you’re like most single people I know, you may have been looking for “The One” for what might seem by now to be a very, very long time.

You may have done everything you can think of to try to meet a conscious, caring person like yourself . . . someone who is doing something big with their life, who has a vision, as well as the stamina and strength to show up consistently to make that dream a reality . . . an intelligent, humorous and kind person who understands the value of giving back by helping those who are less fortunate.

Being this kind of person yourself, it’s discouraging to have such a hard time finding that one special person you can connect with on a deep, heartfelt level to build a life with. And it’s confusing that something as natural as finding a mate should be so incredibly hard.

Harder than you ever thought it would be.

At some point, you may begin to wonder:

Is it me?

Am I not attractive enough?

Or maybe I’m not smart enough?

How is it that some people seem to have no problem finding a partner, and yet here I am, year after year after year, still working on my “relationship issues,” the only single person at yet another dinner party . . . or the third wheel, again?

Maybe you’ve even begun to secretly wonder if it’s your fate to be alone in this life.

Penance, perhaps, for sins committed in a previous one?

Or maybe you’ve begun to wonder if your ship has already sailed, and you might just be too old now to think love can happen for you.

Intuitively, we know deep down inside that we were not designed to be alone in life, and if we’ve come to any of these conclusions, we’ll feel sad.

Because it just doesn’t feel right to not have love to come home to at the end of the day. On some level, we understand that we need to have love and support  in order to live happy, healthy lives.

If you’ve tried to figure out why it’s been so difficult for you to find love, I invite you to consider the possibility that you may have been taking the wrong approach in your quest.

When trying to assess why we’ve not yet found love, most of us only look at all the external reasons love has eluded us, such as:

 “There are no good men out there.”

“Men don’t like powerful women.”

“All the good ones are taken.”

“I’m too fat” (or too old, too short, too tall or any such variation on a theme!)

Or, of course, the one we’ve all said to ourselves at one time or another:

“I just haven’t met the right person!”

But none of these reasons are empowering us to create a different experience.

We must be willing to find and remove all of our internal obstacles to love if we ever hope to have a breakthrough in how love unfolds for us.

We need to turn our attention inward to look for all of those covert, hidden, inner obstacles to love we may not have noticed before we decided to look.

Obstacles that take the form of unconscious, destructive beliefs we have about ourselves and others:

 “I’ll always be alone.”

“Men always leave.”

Or the ambivalence we might be holding about committed relationships:

“Marriage is a trap!”

“You can’t trust anyone.”

Or the old agreements we’ve made to ourselves and others:

“I’ll never be hurt like that again!”

“I’ll never love anyone more than I love you, Daddy!”

There’s a woman I know named Janet, who’s a feisty 40-something redhead. Not long ago, she finally gave up on the story that the reason no one asked her out was because men only liked younger women, and she decided to turn her attention toward discovering her inner barriers to love. She quickly discovered she was still unconsciously honoring her marital vows to the husband she’d divorced ten years earlier!

She hadn’t even been aware of the ways she was covertly turning away from any man who expressed interest in her “as any good wife would do.” But once she saw it clearly, she gave that false faithfulness up on a dime and finally allowed herself to be a divorced woman. Only three weeks later, she met the man to whom she is now happily married.

Janet’s story is one of thousands of similar stories I’ve heard from my students over the years about the power of shifting our approach from looking outside us for love, to looking within to remove our barriers to receiving it.

Until we are willing to truly discover ourselves as the source of our own experience, we will in many ways remain victimized by our old, habitual patterns in love, and they will continue to show up again and again and again, in spite of our best conscious efforts to have it be otherwise.

Yet the moment we can see clearly exactly how we are creating our own experience by how we are unconsciously interpreting and then responding to life, we access the power we need to write a new story for ourselves.

In an instant, our whole love destiny can radically transform, because once we make the unconscious conscious, we can begin to challenge those old perceptions and/or simply make a new decision about who we are and what’s possible in our lives.

It’s this shift in approach that is the basis for the process I created to “Call in” love to my own life, and it’s helped over a hundred thousand people in more than 90 countries find true love.

If you’re interested in discovering more about your own inner barriers to love and how to release them, my teaching partner (acclaimed women’s evolution expert Claire Zammit) and I have put together a powerful, complimentary online seminar we’re offering again where we’re going to take you through our extraordinary Calling in “The One” process to help you become magnetic to the new love you desire and deserve to have in your life.

It’s happening this Thursday, September 13, and it’s called:

Calling in “The One”: How to Identify and Release Your Hidden Barriers to Love and Become Magnetic to Your Soulmate

I hope you can join us!

With love and trust in the universe,

Katherine Woodward Thomas, MA, MFT

P.S.  We haven’t offered this seminar for some time, so if you missed it in the past, this is your chance to join us here.



Katherine Woodward Thomas, MA, MFT

Licensed psychotherapist and bestselling author of Calling in “The One”, and co-creator and leader of Calling In “The One” 7-Week Online Course and Conscious Uncoupling 5-Week Online Course.