13 Nov 2012
What Really Happens After You Find Your Soulmate?
What’s your perception of life after you find your perfect soulmate?
Joy, bliss, happiness—a life with no conflict, disagreements and no major issues to work through—and you ALWAYS get along even after years of being together?
The soulmate mystique that most women dream of, right?
The truth is that even in the most incredible, blissful soulmate relationships, challenges and opportunities for growth still pop up. There can still be disagreements, misunderstandings and upsets.
Even soulmates have challenging moments that they must work through and if they don’t, they could lose their special relationship like any other couple.
In our relationship, we did have the proverbial “soulmate experience” of feeling like we were “home” when we first got together. We are best friends, have lots of passion even after 15 years of being together, are totally comfortable with each other and enjoy being together.
Even with all this, we still have issues that challenge us. Because we’re open to discovering new ways to keep our connection when there’s conflict, we’re constantly growing as individuals and as partners.
Here’s our take on soulmate relationships…
We believe that soulmates come together to help each other heal, learn and grow—and that it’s inevitable that there will be powerful lessons, as well as deep connection and love.
In other words, even if you’re soulmates, you’re going to trigger each other because of your differences.
The real “juice” that keeps the soulmate relationship blissful and alive is in how willing and open you are to learning and growing, even when it gets a little rocky.
Here are 3 tips for keeping a soulmate love vital and alive throughout the years…
Recognize and understand your partner’s differences and appreciate that those differences are to help you grow.
We all have different experiences, come from different backgrounds, have different values—even if you consider you and a partner to be soulmates.
You can either view these differences as irritations—saying to yourself “Why can’t my partner be like me?” – or you can see these differences as opportunities to expand and grow.
In our relationship, Otto’s “expansive” thinking and Susie’s “realistic” thinking often clash and throughout the years, these differences have caused a lot of problems between us.
When we learned to ask the question, “What can I learn from you and in this situation?” instead of making each other wrong, it took blame and judgment out of potentially tense situations.
When we learned to look at our differences as gifts instead of aggravations, our soulmate relationship thrived—and so can your current or future relationship.
Uncover past patterns that repeat, speak your truth and listen with an open heart.
If you pay attention, you can identify certain patterns that cause disconnection and conflict and recognize them for what they are — opportunities for growth instead of problems that create havoc.
You can then learn how to speak your truth, using what we call “Magic Words,” along with practicing listening with your full attention and love.
It’s not always easy when you sail into a past pattern but it is essential for keeping closeness and connection over the years.
One of our past patterns that has disconnected us is what we call “talking on eggshells.” We’ve had to learn how to speak our truth when it’s difficult so the other can hear and how to not get emotionally grabbed and defensive when our partner’s “truth” clashes with ours.
Learning how to recognize a past pattern and then to step out of it into openness is a practice that keeps any relationship strong and alive.
Feed your relationship a lot between meals.
If there’s one essential element that will keep a relationship alive, whether it’s between soulmates or not, it’s if the relationship is fed often and not just on special occasions.
“Feeding” a relationship means making it a priority and dedicating time and attention to it.
We’ve discovered that “feeding” our soulmate relationship is a “must” not a “should” and we treat it as a sacred part of our lives.
Finding your soulmate relationship is a gift but even if you’re with your soulmate, you still have to face your personal challenges and grow if you want this special relationship to stay healthy and alive.
Susie and Otto Collins