08 Mar 2013
Three Powerful Keys You Need Before and After Falling In Love
“There are worse things than being lonely and horny” –Dr. Brenda Wade
Are you guilty of rushing into relationships or avoiding them all together? Does either commitment or being alone scare you? You’ve got plenty of company. “Yes” to those questions are signs that you’ve been hurt somewhere along the line and signs of what you learned about love in your early life.
1) Your Soulmate is Looking For You Right Now: Upset about the failure of your last relationship? Worried you let “the one” slip away? Take a deep breath. Remember, there’s more than just one soulmate out there for us. The real purpose of every relationship is to increase your capacity to give and receive love unconditionally. Most of us are either out of balance with giving or out of balance in receiving, or hung up in an old conditional love pattern. There’s a reason your past relationship didn’t work out. They were giving you the opportunity to learn and grow, allowing you to make room for the right person.
2) To get your relationship off to a good start, Let’s Stop Making Selection Errors: Your emotions are not your best guide to finding a mate because they are heavily influenced by your hormones and what you experienced as a child. I once fell for someone who was divorced but hadn’t gotten an objective coach or therapist to help sort out his issues or gain lessons from the experience. Ouch! My bad. What I’ve learned to do, and invite you to do, is ask, “What did all my relationships have in common?” First, there’s me. Second, they were all replicas of my dad. I love my dad, but there was a lot of dysfunction there. Patterns, patterns patterns! Look for them, and commit to transforming them.
3) Be Mindful of your Family History: Remember how your parents did or didn’t conduct their relationship. What did you learn from your parents example? How has that shown up in your relationships, choices, and behavior so far? Inter-generational patterns play a huge role in our lives. The more you know, the easier it is to grow.
4) The Ten Dates Rule: Sex? Nope. I repeat, no sex. Not before you have completed the ten dates. Let’s get this out of the way right up front. In today’s fast paced world of instant everything, we are just beginning to wake up to the joys of slow and organic food because it is better for us. This is also true in the art of love. Take your time, let it grow organically. If you’re a woman, here is another compelling reason to take your time: When women have sex they secrete a hormone called oxytocin. It is the same hormone that causes a women to bond with her baby. It’s pretty powerful! You definitely want to know who you are bonding with, right? You deserve healthy and lasting love, so take your time.
5) Midway and Beyond: As your relationship evolves into commitment, keep a sacred date night for fun, to keep the romance alive. That romantic date strengthens your intimacy; remember that’s IN-TO-ME-YOU-SEE. Romance is a tempting prelude to great sex!
Go out and give and receive love with all of your heart. For more valuable keys like these to create healthy, lasting love, visit www.drbrendawade.com. If you haven’t registered yet for my Art of Love Gift, My Heart to Heart Teleseminar, you can still do that, for FREE! In Heart to Heart you will learn a series of love lessons, guiding you on your journey to developing depth, opening your heart fully, and creating powerful love.
Dr. Brenda Wade
Dr. Brenda Wade was one of our featured love luminaries in The Art of Love Relationship Series. If you want to learn more about the series, please click here. Over 50 of the world’s foremost experts on love and relationships shared their most recent wisdom and insights into creating and sustaining deep, connected, passionate relationships. This series was the biggest GLOBAL event on LOVE ever!