16 Jan 2013
Dating: Can Chivalry Be A Turn-Off?
There is a moment in “300” – a movie about the fabled battle of Thermopylae in which 300 Spartans hold off a marauding Persian army of 300,000 – when the King of Sparta (Gerard Butler, handsome even in a cape) turns to his gorgeous, passionately intelligent bride (Lena Headey) who, with a barely perceptible nod of her head, gives him her approval to push the Persian emissary of Xerxes into a pit, thus thrusting the Spartans into a war of mythic proportions.
It’s one of my favorite moments in an action movie ever. A king looking to his queen – grounded voice of reason and source of power – before making what will surely be the decision that defines his life.
My second date with Giovanni is, thankfully, nowhere near as dramatic. No marauding army, no mayhem, no bellowing “This is Sparta.” Instead, it’s a quiet Monday night dinner, tucked away in a warm corner of a cozy restaurant. Giovanni looks at me, however, with the thundering intensity of Gerard Butler, listening to my every word with interest and pleasure.
He had asked me on our first date what makes me happy, what I most love to do and my response was, in part, that I get fulfillment from deep conversation with my closest friends. As we speak, I wonder if he is now engaging me in conversation like this as much to please me as to get to know me?
At one point he says that his greatest desire would be to treat me like a princess. Considering that he is simultaneously feeding me carefully composed forkfuls of caprese salad . . . I have no reason to doubt it.
He’s also being cuddly. Very cuddly. And I have to admit I both like it and feel odd snuggling up in a restaurant booth to this man 2 days after I’ve had such a good date with another. But, as predicted, I am feeling more centered and realistic about Pete and think if nothing else the exercise of being open means dating more than one guy at a time right now.
Later, Giovanni kisses me, tells me that I am one-of-a-kind, drops hints that he is hoping I will eschew all other dating and submit myself wholly to his charms. I demur, not denying the possibility of a 3rd date, but not planning it yet either.
I’m in a deep reverie as I drive home. The date has been good. Better than the first, with potential still to be realized. Something feels not quite right, though. The kiss, while good, doesn’t feel like my kiss, the kiss of the man that will be mine.
The thought of my every whim being met with glee by a passionately faithful suitor is appealing – or at least it should be – but maybe what I’m looking for is not to be treated like a princess, but like a queen. I don’t want to be waited on hand and foot, my every desire fulfilled. Instead, I want to be the queen of Sparta. The honored source of love, comfort and power.
The car behind me honks as I stay put, lost in thought, long after the light turns green.
I really don’t know whether I should keep dating Giovanni or call it quits. Ironically enough, I’m not sure that my needs are met by his fervent desire to meet them. Perhaps I’m over-thinking (again). At any rate, I have date #2 with Pete coming up tomorrow. If that goes as well as the first . . . the decision may be made for me.
Until next time,
Follow our blogger, Khristina Kravas, as she candidly shares her experiences of Man Magnet Transformation and adventures in the world of dating.
P.S. Just a quick note that my love coach extraordinaire, Lauren Frances, is hosting another Man Magnet weekend coming up January 18th – 20th in Los Angeles. I know it may seem a bit impetuous to jet off to LA with little notice for an internal and external beautification bootcamp, but honestly . . . if you can do it . . . I recommend that you do! “Mr. Right” didn’t show up on my doorstep the Monday after my Man Magnet adventure ended. Since that weekend, however, I truly feel different about my prospects in love – maybe that man will turn out to be Giovanni, or Pete, or maybe he’ll be some wonderful guy that I haven’t yet cast my eyes on. In any case, I feel relaxed in who I am and at peace about where I am at. And Lauren played a huge role in helping me manifest that. Can’t thank her enough. You can get the Man Magnet scoop here.
* In addition to being this blogger’s love guru, Lauren Frances is an internationally acclaimed love and relationships expert, author and seminar leader. She is also the discreet “go-to” love expert for Hollywood’s A-list celebrities, and her love coaching practice spans the globe.