14 Feb 2013
My Least Favorite First Date Question
I meet David at a restaurant of his choosing in my neighborhood and it’s not long before he pops my least favorite first date question.
“So, Khristina . . . what kind of music do you like?”
Sandwiched in the Great Book of Icebreakers somewhere between, “Nice weather we’re having, don’t you think” and, “So, what do you do for fun,” the music question is a classic go-to which I find simultaneously irritating and incredibly hard to answer.
This disdain must have something to do with the fact that I feel oddly insecure about my extremely eclectic (some might say odd) taste in music. Maybe I’m worried he won’t like me because I say the wrong thing? Or because I don’t know enough about a particular artist or genre? Like most insecurities, it’s not founded by any real threat, but the insecurity remains regardless. I feel like I will be judged.
I manage to stumble my way to an answer, making sure to include popular favorites like Stravinsky, Dinosaur Jr. and superstar (…in Cyprus) Mihalis Hatzigiannis.
I look up expecting to see a wince on David’s face, but I see bemused interest instead. Also, he clearly can’t wait to answer the question himself:
Sting and Peter Gabriel.
With a neutral Mona Lisa smile, I nod and say something, encouraging him to share more. It doesn’t take much. The very thought of this Message in a Bottle brings a spark of inspiration to his eyes.
And I’m pretty sure I’m still nodding and smiling that encouraging, interested half-smile while thinking, “Ew. Gross. Sting is creepy, the 80‘s were black hole for music and this date is over.”
So the truth comes out. Deep down, I am only afraid of being judged about my taste in music because I am guilty of being exceptionally judgmental myself!
Later, after the entrees are cleared and the night is coming to a close, I say yes when David asks me for a second date. I haven’t felt much of a connection, but I guess I’m wondering if that is because I’ve been too caught up in judging his musical taste to give him a proper chance?
In any case, date #2 turns out to be a mistake. He takes me to a chain restaurant in a mall where he mildly insults the waiter behind his back, is vaguely controlling about our table not being good enough and overly picky about . . . everything. And all this might not be that bad if I didn’t suddenly realize that he had done the same things on date #1.
As it turns out, what I was feeling that first date was not a lack of interest in David’s taste in music, but a general lack of interest in . . . well . . . him. While I had been silently obsessing about our different taste in music, I had failed to recognized the behaviors that really matter.
To be honest, I knew from our first telephone conversation that David and I didn’t have a lot of chemistry, but he was persistent in his emails and seemed strong and masculine – which suggested a level of stability that I’ve been craving and haven’t figured out how to manifest just yet.
I have a feeling that the next time the Music Question is asked, I’ll look forward to hearing the answer. Because when it’s the right guy, I won’t care what the answer is. I’ll just be excited to see the glimmer in his eye when he’s talking about the things he loves most.
In preparation, I may even go download a Peter Gabriel album or dig up that old record by the Police. You know, just in case.
Until next time,
Follow our blogger, Khristina Kravas, as she candidly shares her experiences of Man Magnet Transformation and adventures in the world of dating.