Mating in Captivity: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
05 Mar 2013

Mating in Captivity: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

While the diversity in the couples I work with is infinite, one complaint rings true across all cultures: couples who describe themselves as loving, trusting and caring complain that their sex lives have become dull and devoid of eroticism.

I was honored to have been invited as one of three experts for the special TED talk for Valentine’s Day. In this talk, I explore:

  • Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever?
  • Why doesn’t good intimacy guarantee good sex?Why is the forbidden so erotic?
  • Can we want what we already have?
  • Why does sex make babies and babies and babies spell erotic disaster in couples?
  • When you love, how does it feel and when you desire, how is it different?

Esther Perel

Esther Perel was one of our featured love luminaries in The Art of Love Relationship Series. If you want to learn more about the series, please click here. Over 50 of the world’s foremost experts on love and relationships shared their most recent wisdom and insights into creating and sustaining deep, connected, passionate relationships. This series was the biggest GLOBAL event on LOVE ever!




Esther Perel

Esther Perel is recognized as one of the world’s most original and insightful voices on couples and sexuality across cultures. Fluent in nine languages, the Belgian native is a celebrated speaker sought around the globe for her expertise in emotional and erotic intelligence, work-life balance, cross-cultural relations, conflict resolution and identity of modern marriage and family. Her bestselling and award-winning book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic, has been translated into 24 languages.