15 Nov 2012
Online Dating: How To Pick A “Love Handle”
Sunday 9/16 It’s day three of Lauren’s* Man Magnet Makeover weekend, and with love life goals set firm in our minds, we set out to create important elements of our online profiles.
First – keeping our love-brand archetype in mind (me = “Empowered Wife”) – we are tasked with creating a screen name, or “handle,” for the dating site. We brainstorm individually for a while, following specific prompts from Lauren about phrases, items and inspirations we might draw upon.
I manage to come up with a list of potential handles that vary between embarrassing, silly, dorky and weird. Others do better, but in each case Lauren swoops in to our aid, revealing once again her vixen super powers.
My handle, I am learning, is meant to be eye popping, say something about the love life brand I have vowed to embody and . . . it needs to actually make sense. By way of bad example, my last online dating handle was, “kklmnop” which, to those paying attention, is my initials followed by sequential letters of the alphabet.
From what I have now learned about the importance of adding creative spark to each element of my profile, this handle strikes me as lazy at best. It says nothing about me besides the fact that I know what letters come after “k” in the English alphabet, and while this may be an endearing trait to someone (there’s gotta be a lonely orthographer out there somewhere looking for a special someone who can spell) . . . it doesn’t have much love-brand zing.
So, in Ms. Alphabet’s stead, allow me to introduce . . .
As over the top as this handle is, it puts a grin on my face. Irrefutably more eye snagging than kklmnop, it also captures a few things about me that I’m glad to express: I am soft, and love the tenderness and luxury that the word “cashmere” imparts. And . . . honestly, I also pack a punch. CashmereDynamite somehow says, “fair warning online suitors, the woman whose profile you are about to read has a whole lot of passion and energy flickering behind those soft eyes.”
Handles set, we Man Magnets are next tasked with a writing exercise to get our creative juices flowing. Lauren asks us to meditate on the love life archetype we have challenged ourselves to embody, and from that place she asks that we write a fantasy story about meeting our soulmate.
Lauren is not so much suggesting we dream big, but demanding it. Who is the romantic icon latent within? What will it take to allow her to emerge? And what will happen when she does?
I hem and haw for a minute, bite my lip, squint my eyes in concentration and then, quite suddenly, inspiration strikes:
A marble staircase cascades down to a crowded room.
The chandeliers, dripping with lurid light, cast a glint in my eye and reveal my sly smile as I descend the steps, feeling a soft brush of silk each time my leg escapes the slit of my dress. I pause midway. To survey. To allow the room a silent introduction.
He is there below, surrounded, mobbed by an infatuated mass. He places a hand on the arm of a friend – stopping him mid-story. Buttoning his tuxedo in a fruitless attempt to hide the ravenous beating of his heart, he crosses the room. Ascends the stairs. Wraps my arm in his. There are no words, just a knowing glance that explodes in us, creating a new, universal truth.
As we take our first step together, I take a breath and whisper in his ear . . .
This little fantasy may read about as realistic as a book that Fabio would grace the cover of . . . but as I write it, I feel a connection, a depth of love that truly moves me.
Is it really possible, however, to call forth a real version of this? Is the idea of me as Empowered Wife, enjoying a partnership of intellectual, psychological, emotional, spiritual and sexual union – too big to dream? We are at the end of the weekend now, and though I feel hopeful, I’m not entirely secure in my belief that this can happen.
Part of me feels like the dream is, indeed, too big and that failure is a given. But another voice, increasingly loud, won’t accept that. I recently heard the Reverend Michael Beckwith say that, whatever it is, the Dream we have must be bigger than our complaints, bigger than our hardships, bigger than our struggle.
I take solace in that idea. It’s not just of value to dream big, it is imperative.
I’ll be starting to write my online profile in the coming days, and I will dare to dream while I am writing. What’s to lose? If it doesn’t help me catch a man, I could still probably get work writing romance novels. 😉
Until next time.
Follow our blogger, Khristina Kravas, as she candidly shares her experiences of Man Magnet Transformation and adventures in the world of dating.
* In addition to being this blogger’s love guru, Lauren Frances is an internationally acclaimed love and relationships expert, author and seminar leader. She is also the discreet “go-to” love expert for Hollywood’s A-list celebrities, and her love coaching practice spans the globe.