09 Jan 2013
Dating: When To Trust Your Instincts?
Do you ever get a feeling you are going to hit it off with someone just from a picture? When I saw Pete’s profile pic – head atilt, eyes flashing out from underneath a Red Sox cap – I somehow knew that we’d get on just fine.
Reading through what he had written, I even allowed myself to get a little excited. Age appropriate, witty, stable, intelligent, looking for a relationship. And, unlike Giovanni (with whom I’ve still got a 2nd date coming up), Pete somehow didn’t seem too good to be true.
After we speak on the phone, it takes us a bit of finagling to get our schedules in order. I’m traveling, then he’s traveling. Once we finally set a date, he moves it due to a work event, and though I don’t love being shuffled, I also can’t fault him for it. The perils of modern love.
Finally, we pick a Saturday night and stick to it.
We decide to meet at one of those new-fashioned old-timey bars (dim lights, tiled walls, pedigreed cocktails & mustachioed bartenders). I arrive before he does, choose the bar over a table, order a drink.
He texts me to say that he’ll be 5 minutes late. It’s polite, sure. But it’s also the ‘modern love’ date detector. I text back that it’s no problem, I’ve arrived and am sitting at the bar. Now he knows where I am and the awkward dance of recognizing a new face in a busy bar becomes less of a guessing game.
We have, I think, instant chemistry. I’m entertained by the stories he tells me about where he’s from, what he’s done, and who he is. I encourage him to continue. For reasons I can’t quite recall, I dorkily reference the television nature shows of my youth as “Mutual of Omaha specials,” and instead of quizzically bored, his look is one of amused understanding. I’m laughing with ease, engaged in the conversation . . . I keep leaning in to hear more.
The cocktails – strong – do not seem to be a deterrent to our connection. Two drinks in and starving, we have to switch locations because the bar does not serve so much as a morsel of food.
The date is going well, but I have to admit the 2 drinks/no food thing is something of a tactical error.
Still, when we finally have something nourishing in front of us, he asks what it is I am looking for in a relationship. I’m delighted for the opportunity to answer. Why waste each other’s time if we’ve got different goals? And though, when it comes, his answer to the same question is both shorter and more vague than my own, he at the very least seems unfazed by my paragraph-long answer.
We next talk about our spiritual beliefs and seem to completely connect once again. By the time he starts talking about the lavish, sensually stimulating meals he’s mentally planning to cook for me . . .
I am toast.
It is a very good thing that I have stopped drinking by this point in the evening. Also fortuitous that the date is not happening in Las Vegas kitty corner to a faux-Elvis wedding palace. Because the kiss that comes next empties most of the marbles out the back of my head, and I am over the moon about everything.
He asks when we can meet again, and with what little reason I have left, I begin a calculation. It will take a full day to come down from the good-date pheromone buzz which has put me in my present stupor, and at least another 24 hours to calm the ‘happily ever after’ daydreams and allow our potential relationship to unfold in whatever fashion it is meant to – instead of fantasizing it as something that it is not.
Still, when he asks me for the second date, he’s so close that the words practically brush against my lips. I tell him that I can see him on Tuesday, the wherewithal to provide even this simple limit, taking superhuman strength to muster.
He whimpers, unable to palate the idea of 3 days apart.
Clearly neither of us are gifted at creating boundaries. But boundaries are healthy and good! Certainly I’ve learned that along the way (20 times over).
We’ve broken rules tonight – tippled a little too much, gotten a little too snuggly – but it has felt pretty magical and I really want to give it a fighting chance. If boundary-setter is a role I need to provide in order for this to bloom from a date to an actual romance, then I need to start providing it now.
Because I’m realizing that underneath the chemistry and the natural attraction, there is much to like about this man. And maybe even love.
Til next time,
Follow our blogger, Khristina Kravas, as she candidly shares her experiences of Man Magnet Transformation and adventures in the world of dating.
P.S. Just a quick note that my love coach extraordinaire, Lauren Frances, is hosting another Man Magnet weekend coming up January 18th – 20th in Los Angeles. I know it may seem a bit impetuous to jet off to LA with little notice for an internal and external beautification bootcamp, but honestly . . . if you can do it . . . I recommend that you do! “Mr. Right” didn’t show up on my doorstep the Monday after my Man Magnet adventure ended. Since that weekend, however, I truly feel different about my prospects in love – maybe that man will turn out to be Giovanni, or Pete, or maybe he’ll be some wonderful guy that I haven’t yet cast my eyes on. In any case, I feel relaxed in who I am and at peace about where I am at. And Lauren played a huge role in helping me manifest that. Can’t thank her enough. You can get the Man Magnet scoop here.
* In addition to being this blogger’s love guru, Lauren Frances is an internationally acclaimed love and relationships expert, author and seminar leader. She is also the discreet “go-to” love expert for Hollywood’s A-list celebrities, and her love coaching practice spans the globe.