12 Apr 2013
Finding Time for Sex
Have you encountered times in your marriage where one or both of you wanted to have sex, but there just wasn’t time or energy for it?
I know that we used to face this realization way too often in our own marriage. We would exchange some “indications” earlier in the day that we were looking forward to an intimate evening.
However, after a longer-than-usual time spent getting the kids to go to sleep, we would remember the need to straighten up the house for guests the next day or a work deadline would surface that needed immediate attention. Before we knew it, one of us was busy working on a project while the other had fallen asleep on the couch.
At this point, it’s often easier to just say, “Let’s try again tomorrow. Good night.”
So, how can we avoid this recurring problem where we feel there’s no time to have a quality sexual relationship with our spouse?
The simple answer is that we must make sex a priority in our marriage. Obviously, this is easier said than done, but there are practical ways to make it happen. It all starts with our mindset.
I want you to imagine for a moment that you know that your spouse is not going to be alive tomorrow night. Tonight is literally your last night together on Earth, and you and your spouse desperately want your last night together to be spent making love and sharing a deep intimacy with one another.
Now, do you have time for sex tonight?
Obviously, this is an extreme example, but the point is that we cannot treat sex with our spouse like another chore on our to-do list for the day. We cannot say that we’ll have sex as soon as the “important” stuff like the dishes, laundry and baseball game are out of the way.
We’ll dig deeper into why sex is important to each of you in tomorrow’s lesson, but suffice it to say that a healthy sex life is the center of a healthy, thriving marriage. And when you treat sex like just another chore, it becomes just another chore.
And that is not okay.
Today’s Couple Time Task
During your 15 minutes of Couple Time today, I’d like you to talk openly and honestly about where each of you sees sex fitting into your lives in terms of priorities. Discuss both where it sits in your own mind and where you observe it to sit in your partner’s mind.
Please be forewarned that there’s a very good chance that your personal perception will not be your spouse’s reality when it comes to this sensitive topic. Do not get into a fight about who is right or wrong, but instead treat your partner’s thoughts as the truth. After all, when it comes to your sex life, it’s truly their perception that matters.
- Spend a few minutes talking about how you can make improved intimacy (including sex) a higher priority in your daily lives.
- When are some times when you could be intimate instead of doing other mundane things around the house?
- Where are some areas that you could improve in your overall intimacy, including those areas that don’t directly involve sex?
- What has been holding you back, and what can your spouse do to ease your burdens and help you desire more intimacy?
Finally, I’d encourage you to spend this evening pretending like it is your last evening together on Earth.
- Do not fall into the trap of using your Couple Time today to argue or point blame at each other. This is your time to be constructive and work together to improve the intimacy in your marriage.
- While sex is the culmination of physical intimacy, keep in mind that intimacy should be alive and well in many areas of your marriage.
- Some examples of intimacy outside of sex include recreational time spent together, physical activity together, spiritual intimacy, emotional connectedness and even financial intimacy.
- For a full workbook aimed at improving all areas of intimacy in your marriage, I’d encourage you to check out a great book called Stripped Down.
This post is adapted from one of 28 powerful daily exercises that will take your marriage from good to extraordinary in just 15 minutes per day. To pick up your own copy and take your marriage to the next level, just click here.