03 Dec 2012
Don’t Let the Green-Eyed Monster Ruin Your Holidays
It’s the most wonderful time of the year . . .
Or so the song goes. When you have a tendency to get jealous, the holidays can be an especially UN-wonderful and upsetting time of the year. Yes, there may be plenty of festivities, good food, and presents, but there are also a lot of triggering situations.
• Holiday parties can mean feeling jealous when your partner talks to other people.
• Gift-giving with your partner can be a land mine for jealousy if you two have different expectations.
• Seeing other couples kiss under the mistletoe or give one another romantic gifts can bring up jealousy, especially if you’re single, and even if you’re in a relationship.
• Your busier schedule can mean you feel more tired and stretched and more susceptible to jealous meltdowns.
• You might be getting less sleep and consuming more sugary foods and alcoholic beverages which only add to the strain.
There is no doubt that, along with the lights, carols and celebrations, the holidays can be draining and stressful. All of these factors add up to the likelihood that you’re going to get jealous easier and possibly more intensely than you usually do.
What makes this even more difficult is that you might be caught off-guard by your jealousy. After all, this is supposed to be a time for goodwill and joy! When the fears, worries, anger, and insecurity that go along with jealousy arise within you, it can feel contradictory to what you were expecting to feel, and this unpleasant surprise can seem like you’re being taken over . . .
By the green-eyed monster called “Jealousy.”
When jealousy crashes in on your holiday experience, you don’t have to let it ruin everything. You don’t have to let your jealousy put distance between you and your partner, and you don’t have to let it ruin your relationship.
Who’s in charge of YOUR green-eyed monster?
An essential first step is to realize that YOU are in charge of you — including your green-eyed monster, jealousy. We understand, when jealousy takes over it can feel overwhelming and really BIG! It can seem as if you can’t control what you say or do and that you are, somehow, a victim.
We invite you to remind yourself that YOU are the key to calming your green-eyed monster, especially when jealousy is intense. This might take some practice because it can be difficult to remember this fact in the midst of jealousy.
When you are calm, get into the habit of taking ownership for your feelings. Start out with feelings that are milder than jealousy. For example, if you had been having a pretty good day and then start to feel irritable or annoyed, take a step back and look at what’s going on. Instead of pointing a finger of blame at your boss, your kid, the traffic jam or whatever is happening, acknowledge those external things AND be responsible for how you’re feeling.
Notice the thoughts you are having about the person or situation about which you feel irritable and annoyed. You can take ownership for how you feel even if there were words spoken or actions taken by others that triggered those emotions.
This is an important shift that will help you when you get jealous. The more you can own how you feel, the less control your green-eyed monster will have over you. Then, you’ll be able to see clearly the truth of what is going on and decide what you need change and heal within yourself and what you need to resolve with your partner or others. For other tips about how to stop jealous behavior that can ruin your relationship, go to www.NoMoreJealousy.com.
Susie and Otto Collins