04 Feb 2013
4 Fun Ways to Put More Spark Back into Your Relationship
Cindy is bored with her marriage. She’s embarrassed to admit it because so many of her friends are in relationships that are conflict-ridden and have been destroyed by cheating.
She feels sure that her husband Paul is faithful to her, and she knows he loves her. But, she really misses the way things used to be for them.
Before kids. Before home maintenance. Before demanding careers. Before everything else that now takes up so much of their time and energy, Cindy and Paul were giddy and in love.
Tears well up in Cindy’s eyes as she remember the early days of their relationship compared to the rush and blur that it is now. She wants to believe that it’s possible to be in a long-term relationship and still feel passion and spark, but she worries that this is as good as it gets.
Like Cindy, maybe your love relationship or marriage isn’t going so badly. You and your partner get along well most of the time and trust is healthy and strong.
But, there’s not a whole lot of spark left.
This might not seem like a problem, but it is. When you believe that “this is as good as it gets,” then other core parts of your relationship can start to fall apart.
- Little annoyances can suddenly seem big and infuriating.
- Small disagreements can morph into huge blow-ups.
- Dullness and boredom can lead you and/or your partner to look elsewhere for passion.
If you’re not thrilled with the overall state of your relationship, we urge you to do something different.
Don’t leave it to your partner to bring back spark and intimacy. YOU take the first step and see what happens.
One way to re-infuse your relationship with excitement is to flirt. We’re NOT suggesting that you or your partner flirt with other people… we’re suggesting that you start to flirt more with each other!
Try these 4 flirty tips with your partner…
#1: Get in touch with your inner flirt.
Some of us have been taught that it is “bad,” “forward” or “trashy” to flirt. Maybe you’ve had a painful experience in the past that taught you that flirting is not okay or is foolish and so you symbolically slammed the door shut on your inner flirt.
Your inner flirt is an aspect of your personality that may be more daring, bold, sensual and light-hearted. We’re inviting you to open that door back up and get to know your inner flirt again. Affirm to yourself that it IS okay for you to flirt with your partner – and then pay attention. Soon you’ll get an impulse to say or do something flirty to your partner. As long as it feels authentic, follow what your inner flirt is leading you to do!
#2: Leave flirty notes or texts for your partner.
The power of flirting lies in the element of surprise. Keep this in mind as you think of ways to flirt.
Discreetly hide sweet or suggestive notes in your partner’ briefcase or leave them on the dashboard of his or her car. Send a playful text message to your partner in the middle of the workday.
Of course, you’ll want to keep your notes and texts private, but do reach out in this way to let your partner know you’re thinking of him or her with love. This will undoubtedly put a smile on your partner’s face and add some excitement too.
#3: Flirt without words.
Who says you always have to flirt with words?! You can put a whole lot of meaning into a look, a touch or a well-placed kiss. Whether you want to be silly or sexy and inviting, non-verbally convey how you feel…and what you want.
Flirting without words can fit into anyone’s busy schedule. All it takes is you and your partner being in the same room for a few moments when you can lock eyes, gently brush your hand against his arm or softly kiss the back of her neck.
#4: Flirt for more fun or passion.
In case you’re thinking that flirting is always or only a one-way path to the bedroom and sex, it’s not. In fact, if you ONLY flirt when you want to have sex, this might backfire. Flirt in lots of different ways to increase your connection and emotional as well as sexual intimacy.
The big message here is to step outside of your usual way of interacting with your partner and mix it up. Try something brave and maybe even a little bit silly. The effects can be nothing short of a wonderful and passionate transformation of your relationship!
Susie and Otto Collins
Susie and Otto Collins were two of our featured love luminaries in The Art of Love Relationship Series. If you want to learn more about the series, please click here. Over 50 of the world’s foremost experts on love and relationships shared their most recent wisdom and insights into creating and sustaining deep, connected, passionate relationships. This series was the biggest GLOBAL event on LOVE ever!